05.31.08
Sometimes being a diligent Asian girl may not pay off
Succeeding in your own endeavors is easy because you are in control of your own expectations. Succeeding in relationships is of course much harder.
Daily, women are redefining their roles in society. Thanks to progressive thinking, women are excelling in academics as well as in the work field. We are looking younger longer as well as living healthier lifestyles. Many of us were raised to study diligently and do well; thus, we carried over these principles into our workplace and adopted them into our lifestyles.
Dilemma: In the dating realm, for Asian women success in the workplace is not usually an attractive factor. More so than any other races, Asian men tend to feel that they need to be the breadwinners in the family. For example, in Korean and Japanese cultures, a staggering majority of women end up becoming housewives because they personally choose to adopt that as their role in the family. Though I have nothing against this decision, it tends to lead to an outdated expectation (that some hold) for other Asian women to do the same.
Moreover, the parents that were cheering for us to do well in school in our younger years are now more concerned with us being able to find a boyfriend and a husband. They are even fearful that our success might hinder our ability to find a date. In my opinion, it is frustrating to realize that qualities that were once praised are now belittled because of the pressure to find a guy.
What I have come to find is that both Asian men and women hold this belief that men must be more successful than women. Asian men tend to only date girls they feel they can take care of, and Asian women are attracted to men who will offer them security.
However, Asian women are rising in academics as well as in the work place. Thus the a terrible dilemma arises. Career women will find it harder and harder to find a guy that will fulfill her breadwinner requirement. After achieving their own success, they will have high expectations. What is the smart, career driven girl to do then? Her dating pool becomes extremely limited doesn’t it?
In my opinion, there isn’t much that can really be done. We all witness this phenomenon daily and many Asian women are living with this ’struggle.’ It would be expecting a lot to ask Asian men to swallow their pride or for Asian women to ’settle for less.’ Of course, I am not saying that long term relationships of conventional gender role reversal don’t happen; on the contrary, it actually happens a lot. However, for the growing number of educated women graduating from colleges every year and entering the workforce in high paying jobs, there may not be enough of these kinds of compromises to satisfy every career girl’s dream.