05.29.08
Inter-Asian dating
Forget interracial dating. How about inter-Asian dating–dating across different cultural lines?
Inter-Asian dating is something that reveals stigmas even more severe than that of interracial dating. For our parents’ generation, inter-Asian dating might pose problems dealing with the politics of culture, e.g., instilled hatred for the Japanese in Chinese and Korean cultures. However, in our generation, it might pose something even more troubling: the idea of an Asian hierarchy.
It is well known that the Asian community is divided amongst cultures. When my Asian friends sit and talk about our different backgrounds, the conversation inevitably becomes a “one-up” argument. We are constantly trying to one-up each other with a lot of “Well in my culture…” thrown around. Because of this, certain Asian types are labeled as superior while others are labeled as inferior.
Like myself, you probably acknowledge that the idea of the Asian hierarchy exists within the Asian community, but think yourself immune to such biases. You think: I have many Asian friends who are Chinese, Korean, Japanese, Vietnamese, Thai, etc., and I love them very much and don’t make broad sweeping judgments about them based on their culture.
However despite my love for my friends, I have found that I sometimes subtract them out of their culture; I don’t consider them a typical example and see them as an exception. Thus, I have found that I do still judge other Asian cultures–even placing them beneath me.
It is very wrong, very, very, very wrong. Why I choose to write about this topic is that it affects whom I choose to date. I have even heard some of my friends say that the last thing they want to do is date a Chinese, or a Viet, a Korean, etc., the preference belongs to the individual.
How can this be counteracted? Very few people who are affected and aware of these cultural differences actually truly believe the prejudices of it, but the problem is a community issue and there are those who do honestly believe in the superiority of their culture. How then, can the Asian community attempt to unify groups that see themselves outside and above the Asian community?
I must play devil’s advocate for a moment as well. Perhaps the reason that I am concerned with inter-Asian dating is because I allow the cultural differences to affect me. I know many, many happy couples who are of different Asian backgrounds. These individuals truly disregard–don’t even think about–a hierarchy in culture. Thus, is my own issue with this subject a reflection of the prejudices that I so wrongly believe? However, I cannot possibly be the only individual who deals with this problem. How can we then overcome this false categorizing of cultures and look outside of it? This question has implications outside the dating realm, and is the key to uniting the Asian community. I wonder what the answer will be, and if such a problem can ever be solved.