05.27.08
Dating: the company we keep
There is no argument that Asian Americans and Asian (immigrants) are separate groups of people; indeed, both groups face different daily struggles in their attempts to exist/coexist with American (mainstream) culture. A question I now pose is this: Do you think that being born in America or being born in Asia impacts one’s future choices in the company they keep and the people they seek out to date?
I ask this question because I think it does—there exists a correlation between where one is raised and the company they choose to keep. More specifically I am referring to the phenomenon of Asians seeking out the company of other Asians, or the deliberate choice not to.
What my Asian friends and I have noticed, and our conclusions might be isolated to our circumstance, is that Asian Americans may have many non-Asian friends but will ultimately seek out the company of other Asians. Moreover, they see themselves attracted to and dating Asians. On the flip side are the Asian immigrants who seem more willing to date outside of the Asian “circle” and tend to be more attracted to non Asians. (Knowing that interracial dating is an extremely complicated topic, I was hesitant to make the previous statement; however, it is something that I have noticed.)
I first became aware of this difference as early as junior high when my friend who had recently come from
China told me that all she wanted to do was befriend and date non Asians. She even expressed her love for my company my telling me that I was the only Asian girl she really saw as a friend.
Since then I have made many other friends, mostly girls, who have similar stories. I have heard, “I have never ever been attracted to an Asian male” as well as “I think Asian men are the least attractive.” These statements have always come at a great surprise to me because I am most attracted to Asians.
When I was younger, I barely had any Asian friends except for the ones that were in my parents’ friends circle; yet I had a crush on all the Asian boys. Then in middle school and high school I hung out with almost all Asians and continued to date only Asian boys. Now in college, all my friends are almost all non Asian; nevertheless, I am still mostly attracted to Asian males.
And I know for fact that my story is not unique. Many other Asian Americans also find this to be true. So does this difference in dating preferences really exist between ABC’s and FOB’s? If it it does (like I think it does), then why does this happen?
There are thousands of reasons as to why ranging from the novelty of a different race to perhaps personal preference and social settings. However, I bring this question up because I do believe that this does play into our decisions in dating. Think about and talk it over with some friends; if you agree with me you might find people who might prove me wrong. If you disagree, you might find people who would prove me right.